When we are truly in the Magic of the Moment, we are giving from the heart with no expectations. We feel washed over with joy in just being. At the same time, we remain authentic to ourselves and do not compromise who we are. Hopefully you can close your eyes and recall exactly how this feels in your heart and your body. Remember that feeling and make a promise to yourself to create Moments of Magic this holiday season!
How do you help yourself keep such a promise? Give Love! Not only to others but to yourself too! When you do something, don’t do it because you have to, but because you honestly, with an open Heart, want to! If you are asked to do something that triggers you, shift into a different space of unconditional giving or if it is something that doesn’t feel authentic, discuss it with them or find a way to stay true to who you are without being triggered! Most importantly, know whether this is your trigger or something that feels inauthentic! It isn’t our journey to heal, fix or change someone else, but it is for us to evolve and grow spiritually.
One of the biggest triggers around the holiday season for many people is unmet expectations. Recently, Jean Adrienne and I had a great show on family expectations. Listen here. Often without realizing it we push our needs onto others, expect them to reciprocate by meeting our needs and then we get upset because our needs are not being met!
There are many triggers that occur in family environments, they are often the very earliest memories that continue to be a pattern in our lives. Often the biggest problem is that not only are you unaware what your trigger is, but you don’t know what you need either! You don’t know how to meet your own needs, let alone have someone else meet your needs for you. We want others to know us, yet, we barely know ourselves.
We also have a problem with being authentic. We often do things because we feel we have to instead of wanting to, especially with our families around the Holidays. As parents, we feel we can tell our children what to do and as children we naturally want to rebel when our parents demand something of us. We all have problems being able to say no and often we are left feeling guilt and shame. This pattern repeats in many areas of our lives, but our family can trigger this the most.
So how do you avoid this miserable cycle? Through understanding yourself, learning what your needs are and how to meet them, you will discover the most important piece of the puzzle of YOU and the secret to living in the Magical Moments of the holidays!
We can begin to understand ourselves by knowing what we need when we get triggered. The best way to establish this is to get really centered at the start of each day. Whenever we begin to feel unbalanced throughout the day just step away and focus on your breathing, ground yourself and determine what your calm level is. Ask yourself what it is you desire right now? Notice your body’s responses and reactions. Are you feeling anxious? Are you feeling centered? Once you are centered, grounded and feeling calm, then this is your starting point (your ground zero). From this point you will be able to determine when you get triggered. When you feel yourself straying from this point, ask yourself what is different, what do you need?
This is where we can learn the most about ourselves and our triggers. It also gives us an opportunity to respond instead of react. Determining what we need can be tricky, for many we learn to forsake our needs for others (especially around our families), for others, our needs may be misunderstood for something else (eg. we may believe we desire food to emotionally eat instead of dealing with what is causing the emotional reaction). It is really only what we know about ourselves that can assist us in determining our needs, yet it is discovering this calm level that will allow us the place to determine when we go off balance.
We all have memories of the Magic of the Holidays; we all have a desired outcome for the Holidays. Reach into your memory of a time when you still believed in the Magic of Santa and/or Giving and use this memory to guide you on how you would like to feel this Holiday Season. Use this as your calm point and imagine your heart to be fully open to Giving and Love for yourself and others. This is the true spirit of the Holidays!