I’ve learned a lot in past year and a half. It started slightly earlier when I discovered that I had heavy metal poisoning. Searching for the cause became the catalyst to an intense period of learning about myself. First I began noticing all of the symptoms and effects like: weight gain, lethargy/exhaustion, itchy skin, Candida, frozen shoulders, hormonal changes, etc. Many professionals claimed they could heal me by uncovering the cause. They explained to me that it is the cause that creates all the mental, physical, emotional and spiritual effects and if my problems hadn’t healed it was because I hadn’t uncovered the true cause.
Engaging in this process and looking for the true cause of my symptoms lead me on an incredible journey of discovery. I uncovered many unconscious beliefs and patterns, deep core wounds and decisions I made as a child newly born and some still in the womb, and core lessons I chose to experience in this life from numerous past lives on this planet and others. I kept going deeper and deeper into my unconscious to help me understand why I created these symptoms in hope of alleviating the discomfort and pain. My life had felt so stagnant and I was hopeful that by following this process of self-discovery that I would find the answers I needed in order to move forward in my life.
Of course there is nothing like physical pain as a motivator! In the beginning, up to and including last summer, I had never experienced such pain. As time went on and I passed through the different stages of Frozen Shoulders, my pain eased; however, my motivation never wavered. I was determined to heal, fix, understand, analyze, control and manipulate my life to stop creating these symptoms.
I uncovered incredible stories and decisions I had made in the past that continue to affect me! Despite all of the discoveries I made about the driving force of my subconscious, not once did they appear to be alleviating any of the symptoms I was experiencing. I learned pretty early on that just changing my mind wasn’t impacting anything. Also, changing my focus from stopping the pain to focusing on Optimal Health and well-being wasn’t changing anything either. I knew that my focus on validating my outside world by needing my symptoms to be alleviated was definitely a part of the problem. I found it difficult to not focus on the pain or weight loss (things clearly outside of me) when I still could feel pain and my weight wasn’t dropping as quickly as I wanted. This helped me realize I was still looking outside for validation!
Therefore, after you try everything you can THINK of and there is nothing left to do, it is time to surrender! When we resist change, as so many of us do, SURRENDER becomes the worst case scenario option, reserved as a last resort. Ironic how it is our BEST option! So I was on a journey to surrender. Let go of my need to try and control and manipulate my conditions to be how I “wanted” them to be (Pain free and from a place of optimum health and well-being). To acceptance of where my body was. Sometimes supplements helped, more than often this appeared to be a time game, waiting out the body’s or Frozen Shoulders 18 months.
Maybe the cause lying deep in our unconscious or from our Divine contract isn’t any of our conscious business. Perhaps digging in the past to help us understand our present is just a distraction from being Present Now. Our life, in one way or another, often is not the way we would like it. Things happen. It may be in the form of frozen shoulders or extra weight we do not want but either way our body has a process to go through. Regardless of how much you learn or “do” or search, you cannot by the sheer force of your will or desire change what IS. Ultimately, it is how we respond to these events that determines our experience. We can try and be in control and try to change and manipulate things to the way we want them or we can surrender! When we get out of our heads and into our hearts and surrender to the natural capabilities of our bodies, we let the wisdom in the cells of our being lead us forward.
I may still have one shoulder that has limitations and pain, approx. 20lbs to go before my optimal weight, but I’ve learned a lifetime of valuable lessons this past year. It was all invaluable to me. And I wouldn’t have changed a thing!