We are often addicted or have attachments to certain issues, and our reactions and our mirrors reaction (the person who is mirroring this for you) are learned behaviours.
Negative reaction is better than no reaction for many children as they grew up. Negative reaction also indicates that we are attached to how someone perceives us or how we perceive ourself. When we are reacting, we are addicted to certain responses. And yet, in all honesty, all we ever wanted was to know we are loved and accepted unconditionally. When we weren’t given positive feedback and the unconditional love we were looking for, we learned that any feedback was better than none. Therefore we actually learned that love was conditional and then began our search for the negative pattern we learned as our response to Love. This pattern was necessary for someone to feel loved and began the pattern of abuse. We would actually attract people who would “love us” the same unhealthy way so we could heal the abusive reaction. Even if it was just our perception of what occurred during each situation that we had a condition placed on our love. We then may discover that the other person would have a totally different reaction to how they responded in the relationship. It is all very complicated, and our mind/ego wants to understand how and why things occur. Yet, until our ego can step outside of the box it has created, and see the bigger picture, we are stuck in a pattern of abuse, pain and suffering that we are addicted to. Because that is what we learned if we want to receive love. We began to believe that the negative response was LOVE!! And that began the response/reaction that was created, because our younger self may not have known any different. However, it is our older self that has begun to feel out of alignment and in need of knowing true unconditional love. All love we have received to date, that comes from outside ourselves, (except, if we are lucky, for a brief time as infants) has been conditional. Conditional on our being “good”! Conditional on certain behaviors. Conditional on reactions or patterns that we already learned. And our soul has been crying out for alignment, and is what has been pushing us to heal. So we may have chosen to leave a situation that was abusive, but if we were not able to forgive and heal or let go and surrender, we will just recreate another contract to play out the same role or game. Until we are able to see the pattern, and take responsibility for what we choose to learn and heal. We must learn to forgive, heal, surrender and accept our issues.