I talk about control and surrender often. This past month, I had to make some difficult decisions about my work and was even prepared to let go of my home.
I had to completely surrender my ego’s control over my life. While opening up and asking for help, from the non-physical and the physical. A place I didn’t feel completely comfortable with. I looked at every area of my life, letting go of somethings that hurt and others that I didn’t feel I had a choice in. Not exactly feeling a victim, but certainly not feeling confident, as I realized I was very angry at the Universe for having to enter this place once again.
I realized I was so caught up in this dynamic of trying to control my life, what I want, what I should have: a home to make me feel safe; a car that allows my freedom; a part time job that supports me partially; to the Radio shows that support my business. However, the last few years we have been inundated with “the secret” and many believe if we aren’t getting what we want, it must be our fault. I was left feeling I had no integrity in my teachings, if I could not walk my talk.
So, then… I let go! Truly let go of everything I thought was important to me, and I asked for help. Surrendering my identity of who I was, because I could no longer be certain of this.
Little by little I received some breaks from unexpected resources. I begun to see and feel the light returning after a long night of the soul. I became grateful for my friends and all the angels who helped either physically or energetically. I was able to find the humor in the absurdity of my situation. This lead to laughter and gratitude which further opened a crack in the structure of my foundation. Mostly, I realized I was holding onto what I felt I was entitled to. What we had been taught, that we can create what we want. That if I just remained positive, things would change. The lesson was in surrendering my control, and letting go of the person I thought I was!
This transformation isn’t complete yet. I haven’t opened up to this new image, because a new image hasn’t anchored yet. So, I am still pending my shows return. I have continued the parts that are secure, like my intuition and clearing. However, I know that all will be changing for me. Or my path will become aligned with my New Self, as I anchor this vision completely. To be continued…