I am excited to have joined the CBS Radio family on Psychiconair and I am dedicated to write a blog each week about what we discussed.
My first show we talked about relationships. And the differences between men and women.
Relationships are a very big topic, because it impacts us in every area of our lives. From our relationships with our family, friends, intimate-romantic partners, to our relationship with ourselves (which is probably the most important relationship) to even our relationship with money, career, work, spirituality, God/Universe etc. Relationshps impact us in every area of our lives. Which is why I wanted to use this area to discuss as a primary focus on this show.
Relationships are an area that I have developed a great understanding for. Through my personal experience, through my clients and from my connection with my Higher Self/Divinity/guides and Higher Beings. I also know that this is how we grow the most, through our relationships with everyone and everything.
So, why is it so difficult?? Why do we have problems relating in our intimate relationships? Our first show I would like to discuss how men and women relate differently in relationships. The problem is, that if we are to actually achieve balanced and harmonious relationships, we have to set the stage and be the change we want in the world!! The world is crying for a change in relationships. And yes relationships are work. Lets start with how men see the world. Men believe they create their identity from their work. And this is a truth in their eyes. They want love, but only when it is convenient for them and as long as it doesn’t interfere with their ‘work’. Men are focused on their career and work. When this area is going well, then a relationship fits into their life. When these areas become a problem they usually result in problems with their relationships. Men feel a need to do this on their own, and when ever their is a problem, they retreat to be alone. The problem with this, is we take it personally! And there is nothing personal about this. This is how men have been taught to see relationships and something core in their collective unconscious. We can all work together to help one another understand each other better. However, they don’t do this to hurt us. And we have to stop taking it personally and try and “change” them. The only person we can change, is ourselves!
Women are almost the opposite. Women, and maybe it is because it has been so unbalanced and deeply abusive for so long, want to create a healthy relationship and this is key to having a healthy life. Work and career are important, but it is achieved when in a relationship!! They focus on relationships, when their relationship is strong and healthy, then their life is including their work and career etc. Women focus on relationships as how they relate to the world. They need them to feel whole, balanced and in sync with their lives. Women want to get closer in relationships and feel the need to be in a relationship. Which causes a bit of a dichotomy. Tantra was most definitely a goddess religion. Why do I believe this, it is because Tantra is creating a sacred/spiritual conections. One where we use the most powerful energy, our sexual energy. And the premise of Tantra is that a couple can both acheive enlightenment through this sacred practice. Men have only really embraced it for the sexual aspects.
When two people come together from a mostly healed place, there is no drama. They compliment and walk together. They provide a nurturing and supporting environment for one another. They give space to achieve each others goals and offering a deep intimacy when we ‘need’ it. It is important that a relationship begins with a healthy relationship with ourselves, first and foremost. However, we do the most of our healing inside a relationship. When we can mirror our god and goddess with our partners, when we can experience this divine connection being mirrored outside of us, to reflect what is inside of us.
If you must focus on anything relationship wise, then focus on what you want in a relationship!!! Not on WHO!!! The qualities you want, how it would fit into and compliment your life. Then embrace the qualities you want from your partner (qualities would be like, Love, Joy, Compassion, Trust, Faith, Passion etc) from within you, and radiate them from within you!! This is the law of attraction! We also have to focus on healing the wounds that make us ‘need’ or are addicted to someone in our lives. Having a healthier understanding of ourselves and our needs and being aware of what our wounds are, will allow for us not to recreate them in our relationships. It would also benefit women, to focus on what we want, outside of a relationship! Bringing in our deepest dreams, our soul urges that will fill us from the inside out. Instead of expecting our partner to do this for us. So, focus on YOU!! What you want? What you would like for your life and career? Who you are? Healing your issues, so that you can have a healthy relationship!! And realize how often we are holding on too hard and trying to control things, especially our relationships. We have no control over anything! Ever! We can take charge, but not control! Taking charge is very different and has a different energy. It means that we, and only we, are in charge of our reactions and how we feel. We give our power away to relationships and our partners. Thinking they have taken control over our happiness and our happiness can only result if everything is going well in our relationship. However, no one is in charge of how you react, perceive or respond in any situation. Only you can take charge of this. Instead we give our power away and feel like a victim to other people’s choices and how they react to us. The more aware you are of your reactions, the more you can be in charge of your life. And in charge of your relationship. Hold the vision, but let go of the attachment to it. Let go of trying to control the outcome and enjoy your life. Every day of it. Focus on knowing your worth, and building your self confidence. Work from the inside!!! Not with ego, but with humility!!!
Email Question: I have been in a marriage for 17 years. Last year we agreed on a divorce but have still not done it. I am confused
Communication, we worry too much about what everyone else is thinking. We want to be loved and accepted by others. We are afraid if we speak out that the outcome will be bad! Why is it that we worry or are afraid to speak out about our thoughts, feelings, concerns? Aren’t our own just as valid as my partners, parents, etc. Why must we be afraid that the outcome will be bad? Is that possible if the relationship is equal?
The biggest problem is that we don’t know what we want! We become addicted to others making us happy and don’t live our life. We aren’t clear. We project into the future, we compare our relationships to the past. We have stories we tell about ourselves and stories we tell or blame in others. We aren’t authentic and sabotage our own wellbeing because we want others to like us more than we like ourselves. Like, love, hear, our happiness depends on someone else more than on our own inner wellbeing. It is more important to be accepted from someone else than ourselves. We continue to look for approval from our parents, in the form of our friends, family and intimate partners. Long after we have grown up! Why as adults do we continue to look for approval from our parents through other people in our lives? Why do we feel the need to even look for it? If we are adults shouldn’t the approval for us come from us?
We hope that someone will love and accept is for who we are, to give us the outside validation we really can only get from ourselves! Why do we always look outside of ourselves to give us validation? Why is it so hard for us to love ourselves first and others second? We sabotage our authentic emotions and feelings, because we were told they are wrong! How do we sabotage our authentic emotions and feelings? What are some of the ways that you have seen or experienced?
These and more questions will be answered as we go through more shows! It would also prove very helpful if you asked yourself these questions! It is very exciting!! Remember to join me each week on Wed’s at 7pm on www.psychiconair.com. Also email me your questions weekly on my contact form!